买房必看: LA 这么多区 哪一款最适合你? 😂😂😂

买房必看: LA 这么多区 哪一款最适合你? 😂😂😂

最近好多朋友来 LA 买房, 各种咨询我. 说实话我也有点晕, 只好去著名"词典"网站 Urban Dictionary 抄了各个城市的"解释"发给他们! 看完他们就再也不和我联系了!

(我加了中文翻译, 但是英文更酸爽.)


Irvine | 尔湾 ▼

bizarro world! the concept of Big Brother turned into reality. someone's keeping an eye on you. if your grass is a cm too long, you receive a warning, then perhaps get evicted. No property in Irvine you own is truly yours. snoozefest. A great population of Starbucks lovin yuppies. home of Emo kids and "Punk" kids who'd freak out if they had to live in neighboring Santa Ana. No culture, no character. don't dare paint your house Pink, Beige is the official color of Irvine, no approval needed. the whole city is Beige, physically and spiritually. zzzz!!!

"welcome to Irvine, be quiet!!!"

官爷爷天天盯着你呢! 你家草坪要是多出那么1厘米试试看? 警告肯定逃不掉的, 人可能还要被物理消失. 每栋 Irvine 的房子都不真正属于你(注: 地是属于 Irvine Company 的, 非屋主). 装逼失败的 Irvine 男开着跑车还打着自动档. 喜欢星巴克的雅痞一大堆. 这里的朋克青年要是生活在 Santa Ana 肯定抓狂了. 要文化没文化, 要特色没特色的城市. 千万别想把你房子漆成粉色, 因为只有米色这种官方颜色才不需要特批. 整个城市都是尼玛米色的, 不管是外形上还是精神上! zzzz!

"欢迎来 Irvine, 小点声啊!"


Diamond Bar | 钻石吧 ▼

A small town near LA with an overflowing Asian population. Recently, white families have moved out becuase they cannot compete academically with the hardened sweatshop-whipped asian kids. Nothing interesting ever happens in Diamond Bar because the whole population is busy playing WoW. Occasionally, there are Asian kids playing around with fireworks in public or private places. There is also a lair of witches, which people commonly refer to as 'The Library', which is a common misconception, as the old, obese ladies who work there are actually witches, disguised as librarians so they can attract and eat children.

LA 附近一个全是亚裔的小城市. 皮肤白的人都撤了, 因为他们成绩拼不过虎爸虎妈教育出来的亚洲高材生. Diamond Bar 从来都找不到啥事做, 因为大家都忙着在玩魔兽世界呢. 不过你偶尔可以看到亚洲小孩在公共或者私人的地方燃放烟花爆竹. 没地方去的小孩都去图书馆闲逛了, 但他们都搞错了, 其实这里的图书管理员都是女巫假扮的, 专门吃小孩!


Chino Hills | 奇诺岗 ▼

upper class suburban city of los angeles california in the ie. everyone either drives an acura, range rover, mercedes, jaguar , bmw, and if anything else, its never older then a year . the moms are all fucking whores who go to starbucks and order the same shit every day and woudldnt be caught dead driving past the dennys on central or past the wal mart on grand, cus that goes into chino , and people from chino hills NEVER go into chino. the kids are fucking hooked on weed, coke, or x , but their parents just act like they dont know when they give their kids money for lunch and instead they make deals in the parking in the back of chino hills high or ayala.

dude did you see those fucking kids just drive past us in that new 7 series? ya man, theyre probly from that chino hills shit .

洛杉矶上流社会居住的城市. 这里的人都开讴歌, 路虎, 奔驰, 捷豹, 宝马, 就算不是, 也是不到一年的新车. 嫲嫲们每天都去星巴克点一样的东西. 她们肯定不会去 Central 上的 Denny's, 也不会去 Grand 上的沃尔玛, 因为那已经是隔壁的 Chino 了. Chino 的人也绝不会来 Chino Hills. Chino Hills 的小孩都被骗去呼大麻, 吸可卡因, 之类的, 父母们假装很傻很天真, 给孩子午饭钱, 其实他们都跑去 Chino Hills 高中或者 Ayala 公园买大麻了....

哥们, 你看, 那帮小屁孩们开着新款宝马7系耶! 是啊, 丫们肯定是 Chino Hills 来的.


Rowland Heights | 罗兰岗 ▼

The city's main roads are scattered with endless amounts of Asian grocery stores, bakeries, and even banks. You can tell when you enter Rowland Heights because the only cars you will see are Mercedes, BMWs, Hondas, and Toyotas with little Asian women driving them recklessly. Rarely will you see a Ford or even a Chevy for that matter. You know you grew up in Rowland Heights if you and your Asian gangster wannabe friends used to hang out at the mall and at the AMC theatre on weekends. If and when you decide to stop by this city lacking in any kind of cultural diversity, do NOT be surprised by the ridiculous amounts of fixed up Honda Civics that speed by you with cheap exhaust systems sounding like broken lawnmowers. CIVICS ARE COOL and the drivers inside of them are even cooler. The typical Rowland Heights civic driver: male, under the age of 20, long spiked hair, earrings, oversized clothing, and usually with a boba in his non-driving hand. Don't let there looks fool you however, these guys are NOT gangsters. 99% of these kids all go to Rowland High School if not Diamond Bar High (another asian-wannabe infested city) and go to church on Sundays. Their parents bought them their civics and provided them with the money to put in cheap sound systems and put on ridiculous looking rims as well as their lawnmower exhausts. The Hispanic population is considerable but the Caucasian population is virtually nonexistent and the ONLY place you will see the white population in RH is at the local Police Station (most of these guys are dicks). So the next time you decide to visit beautiful Rowland Heights, California make sure you enjoy the scenery, the Asian culture, and the loud rap music that's blaring from a teenagers fixed up car.

这城市的主路全是亚洲超市, 亚洲面包房, 亚洲银行. 要是看到黄皮肤美眉萌(猛)萌(猛)地开着奔驰, 宝马, 本田, 丰田, 那说明 Rowland Heights 到了. 福特和雪福来那是很少见的. 罗兰岗长大的小孩一到周末, 就和他们想混又不敢混黑道的哥们去 Puente Hills Mall 和 AMC 电影院放风. 在 Rowland Heights, 你常常在路上被屌丝改装的本田 Civic 超车, 音响听起来像坏掉的剪草机. Civic 很屌, 但屌不过开它的人们: 20岁以下男性, 大刺头, 戴耳环, 穿大号的衣服, 没握方向盘的那只手还端着一杯波霸奶茶, 这画面我不敢看. 这帮小屁孩可不是黑帮, 他们都是 Rowland High 或者 Diamond High 这些牛逼高中的, 每周日都去教堂. 他们的爹娘给他们买 Civic, 还给钱他们改车. 这里的西裔还是不少, 但是白人就几乎没有, 除了警察以外, 哦, 这帮警察还都是傻逼. 因此, 如果你想来美丽的 Rowland Heights, 确定你喜欢这里的街景, 亚洲文化, 还有改装车里传来的嘻哈音乐先!


Arcadia | 阿凯迪亚 ▼

I drove through Arcadia today and almost was killed because of the all the asian drivers.

我今天开车驶过 Arcadia, 然后差点被撞死, 因为这里全是亚裔老司机!


San Gabriel | 圣盖博 ▼

The whole thing is based on a failure of a mission that was built in the 1700s. Plans to turn the mission into a tourist attraction failed, and now it just rots there. 49% of the population is Asian, 31% is Hispanic, and the rest are all White. Everyone hangs out at the Santa Anita Mall on weekends. There are several elementary schools and high schools, but only one middle school: Jefferson Middle School. Most kids go to Jefferson Middle School and then Gabrielino High School. In Jefferson, the kids hang out at the ARCO gas station, which serves more junk food than gas after school. Once you've advanced to Gabrielino, you get to hang out at a little strip full of Asian shops. There are plenty of ricers, tabs, tmbs (Hispanic version of Tabs, completely with babydoll clothes and hoodies and Jansport backpacks), gangstas, yaps, and even a few scene kids (oddly, Albino or Asian mostly) lurking around this city.

没有1700年代那个失败的 San Gabriel 教堂, 就没有现在的 San Gabriel. 有人想把那个教堂搞成"到此一游"胜地, 结果搞成一坨翔. 49%的人口是亚裔, 39%西裔, 白人你自己算. 周末所有人都跑去隔壁 Arcadia 的 Santa Anita Mall 玩儿. 这里有几所小学和高中, 但初中只有一个: Jefferson Middle School. ARCO 加油站是 Jefferson 的孩子们的据点, 那加油站的垃圾食品卖得比汽油好多了. 等他们从 Jefferson 毕业开始念 Jefferson Middle School 了, 就开始到满是亚洲商店的街上乱逛了. 街上一堆改车党, 亚裔正妹 (Trendy Asian Bitch), 穿着洋装帽衫背着 Jansport 背包的西裔正妹, 小混混, 抢劫犯, 非主流....


Beverly Hills | 比佛利山庄 ▼

A bunch of rich ass celebrities who have so much money they don't know what to do with it. I'm a football player, basketball play, brain surgeon, and a lawyer. I have so much money so i'm moving to Beverly Hills.

比佛利住着一堆有钱不知道怎么花的土豪明星. 我是球星, 脑外科医生, 律师, 我太tm有钱了, 所以我搬去 Beverly Hills 了.


Newport Beach | 纽波特比奇 ▼

Home to most of the rich, conservative jerks that make up Orange County's power base and shadow government. The cosmetic surgery capital of Orange County and white collar crime capital of the United States. The typical Newport Beach resident is a Rabid Republican with Money (the most damaging kind) and wishes that Ronnie Reagan was still President. Like many of the rich and entitled, residents live by the credo "Do as I say and not as I do." To fill the empty void in their lives, the women spend their days in the vapid pursuit of material goods and bigger and better boobs; the men spend their days snorting coke, screwing their wives' girlfriends, and practicing crony capitalism; and the children spend their days smoking pot, surfing, and hating their parents (who they will of course grow up to emulate).

这里住着有钱又保守的傻逼们, 这帮人构成了橙县的权利基础和影子政府. 这里也是橙县的整容手术中心, 还是美国的白领犯罪中心. Newport 的典型居民是狂热的共和党土豪, 他们盼望罗尼里根能一直做总统. 跟很多有钱有权的人一样, 他们的信条是"发号施令, 但不以身作则". 为了填补空虚, 这里的女人把时间都花在购物和隆胸上; 男人都把时间都花在吸粉, 钓女朋友的闺蜜, 以及和演练裙带资本主义上; 熊孩子们则把时间花在呼草, 冲浪, 以及憎恨父母上(他们总有一天会青出于蓝的).


Pasadena  | 帕萨迪纳 ▼

city NOT SUBURB in California. all the public schools suck so there are about 15 private schools in the area. private school kids and public school kids are basicly separated into their own groups and don't intermix. known for Rose Parade. it something you like till you're about 6 and realize its the same every year. also has the Rose Bowl. which kinda sucks from all the traffic when there is a USC/UCLA game. they are putting a lot of nice and expensive stores in old town because there are a lot of rich people in pasadena. then there is the ghetto-ish area near altadena that people are scared to drive through.

Pasadena 是座真城市, 不能算卫星城. 所有的公立学校都很烂, 所以才有了15所私校. 私校学生和公校学生老死不相往来. Pasadena 因为花车游行而知名, 但你可能到六岁才意识到花车游行每年都没区别. 这里还有玫瑰碗, 一旦有 USC 和 UCLA 的比赛, 就堵到出翔. 他们在老城里放了一堆牛逼的商店, 因为 Pasadena 有钱人一堆. 然后接近 Altadena 的那块贫民区, 你都不敢开车经过.


你发现 LA 哪个城市适合你呢?

开个玩笑, 希望您在 LA 找到真爱!

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3条评论

董董
哈哈,看笑了,文风好喜欢
西西
在华人区被搭讪的经典桥段:Hi, would you like to go out for some BOBA with me? I'll buy you BOBA! -_-
基叔
擦, 干货啊!